One thing I can say about online dating is that it teaches you about yourself. It forces you to express why this guy is giving you the oogies of why that hottie should notice you. Mostly the former as opposed to the latter.
A conversation with Roy. As in Royboy. As in a character in the Sunday Comics who isn't that funny or interesting but that I keep reading it in hopes it'll get better plus the other characters are okay:
(Keep in mind that I only got his name last night AFTER he asked for my number.)
Roy: How are you doing. (<----- GRAMMAR NAZI ALERT)
Me: I'm good. I get the notifications on my phone, but I'm rocking a blackberry POS so I can't go to the site. That's why I'm a little slower to respond. I'm looking forward to getting out of work. What do you do? (How do you like my transition there?
Roy: Right now I'm in the annoying process of applying for jobs. I'm sort of in between things right now (sent from the Match iPhone app! How does EVERYONE even the unemployed have an iPhone?? RED FLAG ALERT) So what kinds of things do you like to do?
Me: That happens. What do I like to do? I like to go to the theater- both movies and Broadway. I like sitting in a chair at Barnes and Noble and reading for as long as possible befoer I go back to reality. I like road trips, traveling, knitting, crocheting, lazy weekend SVU marathons, playing tourist, and feeling ridiculously accomplished after a good visit to the gym. How about you?
Roy: Sounds good. I like all that same kind of stuff as well. (RED FLAG ALERT- SIGNS OF A MIRROR)
YET ANOTHER CONVERSATION WITH ROY
Roy: Whatcha doing this weekend?
Me: Mostly just relaxing. I really want to see "We're The Millers"**
**- I didn't even drop hints. I threw them. In. His. FACE.
Roy: That looks like a really funny movie. I want to see that too. **
**- And HE MISSED.
***- He probably can't afford to take me there since there's that whole he's so unemployed he'll text me at 11:30 at night from the tail end of a FULL HOUSE marathon. #facepalm
BUT HE CONTINUED
Roy: Hey, do you want to exchange numbers?
Me: Hey, do you want to tell me your name?**
**Fair questions since I'm listed as AlleyCat* and his username is sdfn9pd8s*
*Usernames changed, but do you get the point? I'm obviously an Ally and he is not obvious.
In short, Roy has helped me add to my list of turn offs. Roy is what I refer to as a mirror. Mirrors ask questions, consistently bouncing the conversation back to you. Their answers are always a variation of "I like that too." It's annoying as all hell because then the conversation is full of awkward pauses and you know what I start to think?
Gee, now he knows all sorts of shit about me and I know nothing about him. Brothers? Sisters? Favorite tv shows? Roots for the Yankees or Mets? I mean yeah he CLAIMS to like all the same stuff as me but that's obviously because he wasn't really paying attention.
I can tell he wasn't listening to me because I have NEVER met a man who can knit or crochet.