Tuesday, June 18, 2013


I'm so serious people. I have no clue. Second date with Brandon is coming up on Thursday (We're seeing Man of Steel) (HENRY CAVILL NEEDS AN IDENTICAL TWIN YOUNGER BROTHER. I WOULD MOVE ANYWHERE FOR THAT. I WOULD QUIT MY JOB FOR THAT, AND I LOVE MY JOB.)

That man is beautiful from all angles. See above for proof.
Back to reality. Oh who are we kidding? This is a Henry appreciation post. 
#BOOM #PREGNANT #CanWeTalkAboutThoseArms?

It should be illegal to look this good. Rest assured none of my matches come close. Yet. Sigh.

He looks like THAT. Plus he's British, and talented. He is, essentially, my ideal man.

Life's not fair.

But back to me and online dating. I've been at this for what, 3 weeks? It feels like eight and a half years already. I've already had a guy bring up marriage. (32, lives in Brooklyn, works for a car rental company, not a US citizen, English is his THIRD language. That makes me feel more unaccomplished than uncomfortable. It's the marriage thing that bothered me more.) At this point I've noticed a trend. On JDate my matches were old. Like sugar daddy old. Seriously. If you're older than my Dad, I'm not hitting that with a ten foot pole. I am NOT Soon Yi Previn or Catherine Zeta Jones. On eHarmony, the guys are, lets say- more exotic. Less old white Jews and more Asian and African immigrants. Trying to avoid miscommunication is HARD with cultural AND language differences working against me. It's considerably grosser though when the options are all horn dogs.

One thing is for certain though. Through my blog I'm learning that I'm not alone and I'm getting some really great stories out of it. 

Sarah was the first to offer to talk to me about online dating!
Sites tried: OKCupid, RSVP, NZDating
Me: What made you try online dating?
Sarah: A friend of mine was on OKCupid and RSVP. I can't remember how I came across NZDating. I think I looked it up on Google.
I was looking for someone who I could feel comfortable with and who wanted the same things I did. I met a lot of horny guys just out for a good time. I met a few guys who were just plain scary.
There were some decent ones out there. Past experience stopped me from getting to know them. I got to a certain point and just shut down and went off line for a bit.

Me: Any interesting horror stories?
Sarah: The horny ones would message me and would seem ok for the first couple of messages. Then I would get messages saying "What are you wearing? Let's fuck." or "I have a boner right now, wanna fuck?" Or they would just message asking what I was looking for and "I'm just looking for a night of fun. What are you doing tonight? Wanna do me?" The scary ones: I would meet up with them and would just get a vibe I guess. Even the nice guys, when we met up, there was the awkward silence and struggling to find stuff to talk about.

Me: The silence thing sound pretty normal, but yeah- some guys are just gross. What was the worst date you went on?
Sarah: (Editor's note- not the most comforting story before I went on my first date with Brandon. Kinda felt like when I decided to watch Final Destination before I went to Germany for the school exchange program.)It would have been the non date. We were supposed to meet up for coffee and I waited for ages before giving up and just going in and ordering a coffee. I was pretty sure he saw me and decided not to go ahead with the date.(DOUCHEBAG.) Either that or he just purposely didnt show. Maybe he got scared and chickened out. Either way I never heard from him again. 

Me: That really blows. What was the best date you went on? (At this point, I need a success story. Realllllly didn't want to start freaking out.)
Sarah: I went out with this guy named Eric. We met up for dinner and then ended up going to a movie spur of the moment and then played pool for hours. Both of us just wanted to hang out all night. We felt comfortable and there was no awkward silence. We always had something to talk about, and ended up dating for about 3-4 months. (Chemistry! It's real! #whew Good to know.)

Me: And do you have any advice for others in the online dating pool?
Sarah: Just be yourself. And if you're scared, just work on getting through it. Chances are he's just as scared as you are.
And there's always going to be the horny guys you dont want to hear from. Ignore them. The world is full of idiots. Ya gotta get past the idiots to find the ones worth your time.

More little interviews to come! If you have any stories you'd like shared (KATIE!), just send me a message! Guest posts are always a possibility as well.

In the meantime, keep reading! Find out if I tell him yes! And as always, comments are welcome.

QOTD: "He was only interested in one thing. And he did NOT get it."~Kris

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Rule # 4- I May Not Act Like A Lady, But You Damn Well Better Treat Me Like One

Hello everyone! Glad to see you're still with me after my last post.

First: I completed the great purge: I deleted all those assholes who fell off the internet once I sent them a picture, the pricks whose first questions involved sex, and everyone with a strange username (among the fallen are User11, KSquare, and Indian Stud). Somehow, due to eHarmony's bizarre we'll-match-you-with-everyone-until-one-sticks policy, there are still 25 survivors. Still communicating with three or four.

Adam: Adam has been eliminated. He texted me approximately 5 hours before the date on Saturday and said that he wasn't feeling good and wanted to cancel. I knew from talking to him for about a week and a half that he seems to not feel good, or do stupid shit that ends with a broken ankle or wrist a lot. Sadly his injuries tended to amount to 1/3 of our conversations. He then proceeded to tell me he was almost out of text messages. Was I on Facebook?

Time Out For Truth: I haven't "friended" any of these guys yet. A- I'm promoting my blog there and I don't want them reading it. B- That's how stalking starts, friends. Don't facebook friend anyone that you're not comfortable with, and sadly- I don't feel comfortable with any of them yet. Especially Adam. That's why my cousin Kris was going to be accompanying us. I'm not dumb enough to travel alone to a city I'm not familiar with and run off with a guy I've never met before. YOU SHOULDN'T BE EITHER.

Back to Adam: At this point I started ignoring his messages. Honestly, I was having an awesome weekend and didn't want to be bothered learning how to stop what was turning into a stage 5 clinger. That's right folks. The texts continued. And then the emails started. At this point I think he finally got it, because he sent a nice simple email: "Do you want to continue communicating? I'm sorry I canceled our date, but I can come up to NYC or something! It's very doable for me."


I responded back as politely as possible that I thought he was a nice guy but I wasn't feeling any chemistry, that I didn't feel like I couldn't maintain a North Jersey/Philly relationship, and that I'd rather not continue communication.

I actually did meet a guy at Philly Con who had the balls to ask for my number. He had me scribble it on a photo pick-up ticket with his sonic screwdriver pen. (Did I mention he was dressed as 11? *swoon*) Nothing interesting to talk about with him yet though, but it keeps hope alive!

Now to Brandon* (*as a reminder, names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty.) who you may remember from a few posts ago asked me out. I've been getting increasingly nervous since I've been interviewing some friends for an upcoming post. I was getting all sorts of scenarios on how this could go terribly wrong.

*32 years old
*Has job, apartment, car
*Passionate about involvement with the freemasons.

He bought the tickets the night before, so I became reasonably confident that he wasn't going to cancel or ditch me. He even showed up early! We met up at the mall and went to Ruby Tuesdays where he paid for everything I wanted. I think he was nervous because he had a funny look in his eyes and he just talked and talked. He's never seen Doctor Who or Supernatural. In his defense, apparently the freemasons meet on Wednesdays. He promised to look into Doctor Who though. Even despite the fact that I know nothing about the freemasons, and he knew nothing about my shows we managed to maintain a pretty good conversation flow.

After that we walked around the mall for a bit until it was time for the movie. (He paid for snacks as well!) We saw Iron Man 3, which for the record- is exactly my idea of a good date movie. I just wish I could stand Gwyneth Paltrow better. I think she's been tainted by all that GOOP nonsense. I just don't like her or her face. Oh well. RDJ and that kid totally made the movie anyway. Brandon proved his merit by not feeling me up in the dark which would have been highly unattractive on a first date without looking like Jensen Ackles.

I'd still hit that any day in my dreams. Danneel is a lucky lucky woman.

He just put his hand on mine for a few parts and we enjoyed the movie. All in all, he treated me like a lady so major points for him.

I know what you're thinking- Ally you went on a date and you said NOTHING about his looks. Good for you! It's not good. My first impression in person was that "Oh god he kinda reminds me of my Dad" feeling. It was horrible. He's overweight like me (and my dad), still slight taller than me though (Bonus! Can't date short guys), and balding. I'm not attracted to him to the point where it makes me sad. I wish I was, you know? He's nice. He likes me. I know he likes me since he asked me out again when we were saying good-bye. I'm going to go out with him again. I'm gonna give it a little time to see if I feel more chemistry. Not to mention I could use the experience. It's been a long time since I've been out and about with a guy. My mom and grandma are overjoyed. I think they were secretly afraid I'm a lesbian (and I blame my uncle wholeheartedly for starting that rude and untrue thought in their heads.) My best friend however, despite the fact that she's a thousand miles away and hasn't seen me in a year knew it right away though.

Sigh. Feeling lonely :( Thanks for sticking with me y'all!

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Let's Get Uncomfortable For A Moment


One of my biggest passions is Broadway shows, something inherited from my mother. My Dad took her to see A Chorus Line and then to dinner at Sardi's for an anniversary- super classy. So has anyone seen a little Tony Award winning show called Avenue Q?

Full disclosure: I am a white, Jewish girl from the suburbs and when I was younger, I wanted to be black. (Can I say that? African-American perhaps?) My neighbors and closest friends until well into elementary school were African-American. At Hanukkah, my mom got me and my sister the exact same dolls and she had to go back to the store and get me the black Barbie. My parents, I'm proud to say, totally didn't care. They wanted me to be happy and didn't care what was floating my boat. Other family members are not so... open. Let's just say being white and Jewish is enough to pass universal muster in the household.

It wasn't till I was older and was taught that I didn't want to walk down certain streets at night, and was made aware of certain stereotypes that I began to look at certain people differently. I don't like it, and sometimes it makes me angry, but I do sometimes look at people differently. People look at me differently, and honestly some things like affirmative action piss me off. Pardon me, I'm so sorry but my white privilege is showing.

And now I feel like a horrible person.

Getting back to topic, I answered all the questions on eHarmony, and I was getting a lot of similar names - think Ray/Roy, Jim/Tim, etc. Most surprising to me is that a lot of my matches are Asian and Muslim. Until this point I've only ever dated white Jewish or catholic guys. I've never been forced to imagine how my family would react to meeting Sunil, Karim, Zhuan,  Lihn or Khalid. For all I know, one of them is THE ONE so I've responded to everyone who expressed interest. I give them all a fair chance until I just can't anymore. Sometimes they seem upset that I currently have no plans to go to grad school. (block match) Sometimes they have an overwhelming victim mentality (block match) And sometimes they don't like animals. (WHAT PART OF MUST LOVE DOGS CONFUSED YOU?)

I'm also forced to think about would I date someone younger than me. You're 22. WTF are you doing on a dating website. Shouldn't you be taking finals? Plus then I start to wonder- Is this really who I'm being matched with? Or are there just an extraordinarily large amount of young asians on eharmony? I don't know if anyone has any experience with eHarmony in particular, but they send you an email with the 6 matches of the day. After a while you start to feel like they aren't actually matches, but just 6 more names being flung at you like a lifesaver so you can cling to one and feel like you aren't a completely disgusting person that no one will ever find attractive.

Have I mentioned that I tend to over think things? I have to keep it simple and go back to the basics.

I know things that I look for in a guy:

*Sense of humor
*Apartment? (not a deal breaker)
*Nice arms? Accent? (huge points)
*Must love Dante's Peak, The Matrix, dogs

Turn offs
-facial tattoos
-bad grammar
-thinks with his penis
-looks down on my shows (MUST LOVE SUPERNATURAL AND DOCTOR WHO!)
-hates animals

Personally, don't think I'm at a point in my life where I'd date a guy fresh out of college or practically middle aged. I'd feel like I was robbing a cradle or dating my dad. The religion thing is still a little scarier. In the meantime, I'm doing my best to be open-minded about dating outside of my white suburban circle of comfort.

Please feel free to comment! Would you date someone outside of your race/ethnicity/religion? Any stories about doing so? How about age? Has anybody robbed the cradle or found a sugar daddy? Let me know! Sharing is caring!

Just please- don't call me a racist. I'm just honestly curious; there is no need to be an asshole.